I can no longer sleep (sleep? don't talk to me about bloody sleep...)...
My mind is racing out of control and I just don't know where to turn. The cause of my current turmoil? The death of my earlier happiness? Well I could blame Sarah for waking me up after 4 hours of sleep to take out the recycling but that is a minor abrasion on the paper thin dermis of existence. The real cause is the suffering of thousands of penguins this Christmas!
Due to the breaking away of an iceberg (huge ice mountain not small tasteless lettuce) called B15A or "Beeza" to it's cohorts the poor defenceless penguins are having to travel up to 60 miles to get food for their fluffy little chicks. This means a round trip of 120 miles just to pick up some munchies. This comes hard upon the revelation the other penguins are becoming so interested in jets and helicopters flying overhead that they are falling over backwards trying to trace the crafts as they pass.
In response I am planning to rework Band Aid's classic single :
It's Christmas time
Which sucks if you're a bird
At Christmas time
You drink too much and get heartburn
But in our temperate climate
We can spread a layer of salt
To melt the snowy roads
At Christmas time.
But say a prayer
To pray for the feathered ones
At Christmas time (yeah I get it, it's bloody Christmas)
It's hard but while you are eating one
There's an iceberg blocking fish stocks
And the thing is bloody huge
And the only bell that rings there
Is probably from an antartic research station or something
But tonight thank god they're fluffy as well as cuuuuuute
There'll be shitloads of snow in Antarctica this Christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get is rotting fish
Where nothing ever grows
No rain or rivers flow
Do they have the capacity for rational thought?
Feed the birds
Let them know there's a reliable food source
(Repeat until someone throws a chair at you)
Well my conscience is clear... Now I just have to sit back and wait for the knighthood.
Just in case you are interested the iceberg is apparently so big that it could supply enough water to keep the UK population going for 60 years!!
Anyway, I'll fight the fight and keep those fluffy little blighters safe (as best I can)
Laters
Dibs
My mind is racing out of control and I just don't know where to turn. The cause of my current turmoil? The death of my earlier happiness? Well I could blame Sarah for waking me up after 4 hours of sleep to take out the recycling but that is a minor abrasion on the paper thin dermis of existence. The real cause is the suffering of thousands of penguins this Christmas!
Due to the breaking away of an iceberg (huge ice mountain not small tasteless lettuce) called B15A or "Beeza" to it's cohorts the poor defenceless penguins are having to travel up to 60 miles to get food for their fluffy little chicks. This means a round trip of 120 miles just to pick up some munchies. This comes hard upon the revelation the other penguins are becoming so interested in jets and helicopters flying overhead that they are falling over backwards trying to trace the crafts as they pass.
In response I am planning to rework Band Aid's classic single :
It's Christmas time
Which sucks if you're a bird
At Christmas time
You drink too much and get heartburn
But in our temperate climate
We can spread a layer of salt
To melt the snowy roads
At Christmas time.
But say a prayer
To pray for the feathered ones
At Christmas time (yeah I get it, it's bloody Christmas)
It's hard but while you are eating one
There's an iceberg blocking fish stocks
And the thing is bloody huge
And the only bell that rings there
Is probably from an antartic research station or something
But tonight thank god they're fluffy as well as cuuuuuute
There'll be shitloads of snow in Antarctica this Christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get is rotting fish
Where nothing ever grows
No rain or rivers flow
Do they have the capacity for rational thought?
Feed the birds
Let them know there's a reliable food source
(Repeat until someone throws a chair at you)
Well my conscience is clear... Now I just have to sit back and wait for the knighthood.
Just in case you are interested the iceberg is apparently so big that it could supply enough water to keep the UK population going for 60 years!!
Anyway, I'll fight the fight and keep those fluffy little blighters safe (as best I can)
Laters
Dibs
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