"Cry 'HAVOC' and let slip the dogs of war!"
- William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, Act III, Scene I
Now that is what I call melodramatic pretentious posturing...
I haven't had the greatest of weeks so far but I am accepting my fate with a kind of tired anticipation. We had "The Meeting" this morning and my worst fears were confirmed. It is now made official that the night team will cease to exist as of 1st July. There are pros and cons to this and the management were, at least, responsible enough to offer us a redundancy package. Our choice is simple - join the day team and take a £4000 pay drop or take 2 months redundancy pay and ship out. Suffice it to say that I will be staying on for the time being - 2 months pay isn't enough to help me.
As if all that wasn't bad enough I then came back and called my friend in the States only to be told that she has contracted Hepatitis C - a potentially fatal disease. For those that don't know Hep C is the worst of the three and the prognosis sounds bleak to say the least. Any form of hepatitis attacks the liver causing swelling but C leads to liver cancer in around 50% of sufferers. I don't know much about the disease and I will need to look into. I wish I could be there with her because she sounded so scared on the phone. I just want to tell her everything will be fine but I don't know if that's true or not. She keeps blaming herself for the condition and she didn't expect me to want to talk to her anymore - how can you tell someone so far away that you are there for them. I can't help feeling useless but I'll be there to support her all the way down the line.
So I guess it's time to lay myself bare - I'm pissed off. Just when everything seemed to be coming up roses it shatters before me. You shouldn't read anything into this - I'm fine, hell I'm not even that upset, at least, not as upset as I have been in the past. I'm just pissed off with myself for letting it come to this. My friend's disease isn't my fault - nor is it hers and I can't do anything to stop it but I was stupid to stop treating my job as a stepping stone. I let myself get settled and stagnated but that isn't who I am - I'm a fighter and a survivor and I need to get back on my feet again. the big question is where is the best place to find my footing? I love Swansea with it's beach and it's hills but I know there is safety and stability back in Cheshire. Externalising all this isn't helping me much but it'll be good to come back to it every now and again.
I have to reprogram again tonight so I've spent a few hours chatting with forumites over irc and having a laugh. It's strange to talk to people you don't know and yet you have some kind of bond with. You find yourself guarded and open at the same time - I guess it's like a real time blog. I didn't really want to go out tonight because I would only drink too much and then feel worse in the morning.
On a lighter note - I went to see X2 last night (does this sound familiar or what?). This time Nicky turned up and bought me a ticket but we were accompanied by Alex - two of my fellow night teamers. It was really cool to be out with them even if I had seen the film the night before. I didn't mind, it just meant I could watch out for cinematic techniques and it's a good film to do just that to.
Today's Word: VINDICATION
Today's Mood: Justified
- William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, Act III, Scene I
Now that is what I call melodramatic pretentious posturing...
I haven't had the greatest of weeks so far but I am accepting my fate with a kind of tired anticipation. We had "The Meeting" this morning and my worst fears were confirmed. It is now made official that the night team will cease to exist as of 1st July. There are pros and cons to this and the management were, at least, responsible enough to offer us a redundancy package. Our choice is simple - join the day team and take a £4000 pay drop or take 2 months redundancy pay and ship out. Suffice it to say that I will be staying on for the time being - 2 months pay isn't enough to help me.
As if all that wasn't bad enough I then came back and called my friend in the States only to be told that she has contracted Hepatitis C - a potentially fatal disease. For those that don't know Hep C is the worst of the three and the prognosis sounds bleak to say the least. Any form of hepatitis attacks the liver causing swelling but C leads to liver cancer in around 50% of sufferers. I don't know much about the disease and I will need to look into. I wish I could be there with her because she sounded so scared on the phone. I just want to tell her everything will be fine but I don't know if that's true or not. She keeps blaming herself for the condition and she didn't expect me to want to talk to her anymore - how can you tell someone so far away that you are there for them. I can't help feeling useless but I'll be there to support her all the way down the line.
So I guess it's time to lay myself bare - I'm pissed off. Just when everything seemed to be coming up roses it shatters before me. You shouldn't read anything into this - I'm fine, hell I'm not even that upset, at least, not as upset as I have been in the past. I'm just pissed off with myself for letting it come to this. My friend's disease isn't my fault - nor is it hers and I can't do anything to stop it but I was stupid to stop treating my job as a stepping stone. I let myself get settled and stagnated but that isn't who I am - I'm a fighter and a survivor and I need to get back on my feet again. the big question is where is the best place to find my footing? I love Swansea with it's beach and it's hills but I know there is safety and stability back in Cheshire. Externalising all this isn't helping me much but it'll be good to come back to it every now and again.
I have to reprogram again tonight so I've spent a few hours chatting with forumites over irc and having a laugh. It's strange to talk to people you don't know and yet you have some kind of bond with. You find yourself guarded and open at the same time - I guess it's like a real time blog. I didn't really want to go out tonight because I would only drink too much and then feel worse in the morning.
On a lighter note - I went to see X2 last night (does this sound familiar or what?). This time Nicky turned up and bought me a ticket but we were accompanied by Alex - two of my fellow night teamers. It was really cool to be out with them even if I had seen the film the night before. I didn't mind, it just meant I could watch out for cinematic techniques and it's a good film to do just that to.
Today's Word: VINDICATION
Today's Mood: Justified
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